|My birthday is January 28th. *wink*|
Current Residence: Upstate NY
Favourite photographer: Cindy Sherman, Gregory Crewdson, Howard Schatz, Sally Mann
Skin of choice: Very, very, very white. XP
Favourite cartoon character: Batman
Personal Quote: "ARRRR!" (I'm a pirate.)
I must apologize, but some of my recent work had to be removed. Again. If any of you have used the images already, that’s fine - and I’m sorry that now your link may be broken, as the original stock source has been taken down.
I can’t go into too specific detail, but I really feel like I need to express myself in regards to the situation.
History: My marriage was incredibly controlling for the last several years. The relationship did not start out that way. He respected the fact that I was a free spirit, he loved me for my independence and my strength and my many forms of expression. But due to his addictions and his insecurities, which he refused to address or seek help for, over time he took things away from me. Traveling. Seeing certain friends. Spending time with my family. Posting nudes. Posing for photographers, regardless of their gender or what type of shoot it was. He threatened to leave if I didn’t take down a number of older works (which he was originally fine with, when they were created and posted), so to save my marriage I did as he asked. I had a relationship, a home, my life to consider. It was a huge issue but compared to taking down a few images, losing the person I loved, going bankrupt and having no place to live seemed like a steep price to pay for “some old photos”.
Eventually, the pile of bullshit became too big and I realized I couldn’t live with the oppression (and emotional abuse), so the divorce happened. I am me again. I am fighting hard to find myself and be strong and express myself, and stand for what I believe in and not let anyone ever control me in that way again.
Present: I am in a new relationship. Without going into too much detail or personal information, due to respecting the other people involved, I will just say that I am very happy. He is also a photographer and he supports my freedoms. He encourages me to express myself, and to continue doing the things that I love. However, he is also coming out of a marriage.
When I originally posted some photos that he took, I credited him as the photographer. I’ve been modeling for 16 years and that’s just what you do. It’s common courtesy. Unfortunately, this meant that if anyone searched for his name, these images would appear. (Under mature content, which takes a little effort on dA to be able to view.) And that is apparently inappropriate. Despite the fact that I have posed for dozens of photographers over the years, taken self-portraits, and even posed nude for fine art classes. And that in NY, it’s legal for me to be topless wherever a man can be topless in public (and in the privacy of my own home and my own pool, where these images were taken). … out of respect for the wishes of these third parties, I am removing the images.
It tastes sour to me. It feels like the things that I fought against in my old relationship. It’s fighting the system again. It’s boiling the blood of my inner feminist and humanist and artist and … soul. The images are not sexual in nature. They only show breasts. And apparently even removing his name from the credits is unacceptable, because it’s “the principle”, despite the fact that we’ve been living together for 7 months and we’re not keeping any secrets and I’ve been posing for and posting images of this nature for over a decade. (On that note, I will be re-uploading the old work that my ex-husband insisted that I remove. I just have to boot up the old hard drive to locate them.)
I don’t mean for any of this to be dramatic, and I cannot and will not go into specific detail about the people involved, out of respect for their privacy, but I feel like something had to be said.
… hopefully, once everything is said and done, I will be able to express myself without restriction. Until then, I must censor myself and the work that I share.
Here’s to a brighter future, once the dark past and murky present are worked through.